The first Jessica Saggio INC ad

LOL... what a terrible picture with all the glare and all...

not to mention we were all 16 at the time.

We were in stiff competition at the time with the "Jon Cowart Collection" ... our rival brand.

WTF is a she wolf?

So I've asked this question before and I'm going to ask it again...

WTF is a she wolf and why is it in a closet lacking oxygen?

Oh Shakira... Just when I thought she finally went away for good, she comes back with a whole new fashion statement. Except this time instead of 'oooh I'm a sexy Colombian booty-shaker,' she has now morphed into a cut-up-leotard-wearing stripper who sings about deranged, fictional animals stuck in confined spaces. Are those dance moves... or is she going into epileptic shock?

You tell me.




1) Who designed that leotard? I think they forgot a few integral stitchings.
2) Did she really just howl?
3) Are those complete sentences she's using, or is she just putting together her entire vocabulary of English words into various sentences.
4) Why is she in a cage? And more importantly, why are her legs above her head?
5) Is this a tribute to thriller? Those circular hand gesture dance moves are NOT ok.
6) The flesh-colored attire only provides more hilarity.


I love that there's already a spoof... I'm hoping for SNL to take notice with their own rendition. This has the potential of being much funnier.

Oh dear Jesus

So I dare say I have found a blogger who has FOR SURE out-blogged me... not that there aren't thousands who have already.

If there is one thing you can count on in America it is that you will find a Wal-mart in nearly every moderately sized town in the country... The second thing you can count on in America is the fact that inside these said Wal-marts, you are almost guaranteed entertainment from the ever-fascinating market of consumers this store seems to attract.

Check out this blog and tell me it doesn't make you laugh your butt off... it's definitely inspired me to share some of my ventures at Wal-mart... be prepared for future hilarity... I live in the hick capital of the world, so some of these pictures pale in comparison to some of the stuff I've seen in Titusville.

http://peopleofwalmart.com/

Want a laugh?

Ok. A good friend sent this my way informing me I would get quite a kick out of it. After watching it 11 times in a row and laughing EVERY time I figured you all would too.

Enjoy... once. twice. or 11 times.... never gets old.





Beyonce would be so proud. But I'd like to know what inspired this lovely rendition in the first place?!

Unhappy? Join the club.

So it's 2 am and I must say tis' this time of night I usually get an inkling to write.

I figured after the last few spitfire posts, it's time for a little bit of a change in tempo. That being said, I'm here to offer you a little inspiration (very little...as it's coming from ME, after all) that I came across while chatting with a co-worker today.

It seems in life, there will always be a string of disappointments. For some reason, bad news never has good timing and the saying "when it rains, it pours" is inherently true. Despite life's little inconveniences, and the challenges we come across each day, our happiness will always come down to one thing------> ourselves.

I have learned (the hard way) that unless we decide we are happy, we won't be. It doesn't matter who you are, where you are, what you're doing, what you're going through, how bad things are, how good things are, if you decide you're happy, you will be happy. It's a completely mental thing, in my opinion.

Granted, there will always be people who need their anti-depressants for a boost... lord knows I wish I had a few stashed somewhere, but even so, with enough discipline and motivation we can MAKE ourselves happy in nearly any situation...

...perhaps minus the Holocaust...or when forced to shop at K-Mart...

...those things are just unforgivable.

As I was rolling silverware today at work today with a fellow server, we were discussing how so many times we get tipped badly for being cheerful. Now that sounds ridiculous, but it's actually true. You wouldn't believe the amount of people who come into the restaurant expecting (and subconsciously WANTING) their waiter or waitress to be miserable. It seems more genuine. Who would enjoy being a server, right?

Well as we discussed the situation, it got me thinking a little deeper about how I view my world. We both agreed that we enjoyed our job and viewed it as temporary. So if this is who we are today, why not make the best of it? Sure, working in a restaurant can SUCK. It's a constant hassle. good management/leadership is a rarity and people assume your brain is the size of a pea. But with that being said, it can also be very rewarding in the sense that I get to meet dozens of new people every day, I'm not trapped in an office and most importantly, I'm actually EMPLOYED... which these days is an accomplishment in itself.

See how easy it is to become a debbie downer right off the bat... but with a total shift in attitude it doesn't seem so bad after all. It's all in the way you DECIDE to look at things.

I truly believe right now in today's society contentment and happiness is at an all-time low with the economy in the state it's in. 10 percent of the American population is on an antidepressant (USA TODAY reported). But I like to think sometimes things have to suck for us to realize how great our lives really can be.

I see so many discouraged people out there. People who at their core are just down-right depressed. But how do we shed the light on situations that seem so grim? It's so easy to preach, but it's impossible to teach.

To me, that alone is proof that happiness is just an outward expression of inner strength.

So be happy, damnit... or prove me wrong.

... and if I'm wrong than I'm going to need some Lexapro on the fly

Juicy Juice's recent cutting-edge product!

It's offical. Juicy Juice has developed a product that is going to save America. A product that will bring peace to the Middle East. A product that will enlighten the cynics. A product that will transform the nation's douchebags into honorable, respectable people. So I thank you Juicy Juice... I cannot wait to see the effects of your latest creation.

Must-See TV

OK so as a dedicated citizen of the unemployed population, I have learned to value my television viewing experiences. Ok so I'm not really unemployed, but I'm "career-less." Regardless, I've compiled a list of the TV shows worth your time and a list of the ones that belong on the D-list with Kathy Griffin.... and Rosie O'Donnell... and the Stallionaires.

SO... this is your official boob-tube update. Ok I wrote that sentence just so I could say the word boob.

Shows worthy of your viewership include:

The Cake Boss
Network: TLC
Synopsis-- a spit-fire baker in New Jersey lets you into his shop to see the CRAZY creations he makes.
My take-- this show will baffle you. Ok, so it sounds like another stupid TLC show, but I don't care who you are, if this guy's talents don't shock you, you have no personality.

Parking Wars
Network: A&E
Synopsis-- A glimpse into the wild world of parking attendants, tow-truck companies and public service workers.
My take-- Genius show. We all HATE these people, but it's pure schadenfruede when you watch this show and find yourself laughing at other people's pain. It's a guilty pleasure I'm sure you will enjoy just as much as me. There's NEVER a dull moment and the best part is it's SO ACCURATE as I have been in some of the situations.

Man V. Food
Network: Travel
Synopsis-- The ridiculous Adam Richman travels from city to city taking on food-eating challenges such as finishing the 13-pound pizza and the "Big Badass Burrito."
My Take-- Who wouldn't love a show glorifying obesity?



I Didn't Know I was Pregnant
Network: Discovery Health Synopsis-- Women reveal their super-freaky stories about how they didn't know that they were pregnant until one day they out of the blue went into labor.
My Take-- Every woman's WORST nightmare... yet this show is oddly fascinating because you just want to find out HOW THE HECK they don't realize this kind of OBVIOUS life change.



The Police Women of Broward County
Network: TLC
Synopsis-- A docudrama following the lives of several Miami-area policewomen.
My Take-- HI-LARIOUS. Ok... it's like Cops, but better. The last episode actually showcased a throw-down in Ihop. Love it. Next thing I know, she's tackling a crack-head. Fabulous TV my friends.


Gossip Girl
Network: CW
Synopsis-- a drama following the lives of NYC's young and reckless.
My Take-- OK this may have just ruined my credibility, but once you start watching Gossip Girl you can't STOP. I'm serious, this show is like nicotine, but it's so worth the buzz!









OK. Now onto the TV shows you should AVOID... even if there is nothing on TV. Just read a book. Or look at yourself in the mirror. Do anything but watch this BS.



A Real Chance at Love 2
Network: VH1
Synopsis-- Two not-famous "stallionaires" look for love in a house they didn't pay for with money they don't and will never have from being famous.
My Take-- This is just another one of VH1's epic mistakes. They seriously gave these two baffoons a second season... and WHY? Because they were on I Love New York, a spin off from Flavor Flav's Flaver of Love. So this is a spinoff of a spinoff.. both of which sucked... and you're giving them YET another season? They aren't even good looking!!!


Jon and Kate Plus Eight
Network: TLC
Synopsis-- Two parents exploit their kids for $$$.
My take-- this show should have died when their marriage did. Poor kids.






Miami Social
Network: Bravo
Synopsis-- Bravo follows the lives of several arrogant, overrated Miami residents.
My take-- You're better off watching a soap opera. This show is pointless and stupid. Alas, I say they're better off just scripting the show and calling it a day. It's like watching anybody's normal, daily routine. Nothing special.


There Goes the Neighborhood
Network: CBS
Synopsis-- An entire neighborhood of families is enclosed behind a giant wall without electricity competing for $250,000.
My Take-- So so sososososososososo STUPID. Proof that America can be entertained by anything. The concept is OK I guess, but all it's doing is making people hate each other.


It's On with Alexa Chung
Network: MTV
Synopsis-- Host Alexa Chung talks about current events, celebs and other crap she sucks at talking about.
My Take-- I would like to know who decided to give Alexa Chung her own show.... she isn't funny, she isn't personable. She's just there. Wasting airwaves.


Silent Library
Network: MTV
Synopsis-- weird contestants do really stupid stuff without talking in a fake library.
My Take-- Rubbish. However, I heard the japanese version is hilarious.

The Compensator

I come to you today dear readers with an open mind, but a cynical outlook. While I am a big fan of men, indeed I do love my boys, I cannot help but wonder why so many of them are constantly trying to justify themselves.

For the majority of my life, a good portion of my closest friends have been male. Starting when I was four, I only let Nick ride in my Barbie Jeep. Ages 7 through 14 I spent every waking moment after school with my neighborhood posse Tommy and Tyler. In high school, Alex and I tore up 3rd period in Mr. McCoys class. Jon and I had everything in common and not a minute went by where our creative powers were out of sync. Tyler and I were permanent shopping buddies and Mike frequently called to bitch about his girlfriend. In college, Drew was there for me during every crisis and Billy was there to take care of me whenever I had a "little too much fun" at the bars.

Needless to say, I have absolutely no bias towards men. I love em', couldn't live without em'. BUT, in recent months I have been exposed to a type of male I will never understand.

This male prototype is what I call "The Compensator."

I will admit The Compensator really did throw me for a loop. I really and truthfully do not in any way, shape or form understand them. They're the type of guy who has to maintain a certain "image" and when they're stripped of that image, all that is left is an empty cave where personality may or may not exist... you'll never know, because their image is everything and there's no way in hell they'll go out on a limb to change that.

The Compensator is all about show. All about labels. All about boozin it up. All about throwing money around. And worst of all, they're all about disrespecting women.

And do you want to know the most ghastly thing of all? People actually dig him.

Oh yeah... The Compensator puts on an excellent show, and if he's not what everyone is talking about, you better believe he's brewing something else up outrageous enough to steal your attention.

I know several Compensators and they're all the same act, but on different stages.

Regardless, the question I must always ask is what on Earth are they compensating for? Why are some people so afraid to reveal their true selves? I suppose all you psych majors out there will say it's a lack of confidence, which it surely is, but it seems it's a little more than that, even.

These guys are the guys you FEAR to be on your side in a fight because Lord knows they're useless. They lack serious balls when it comes to justice, yet put a couple of shots in front of them and they're Mr. Badass obnoxiously teasing every girl at a party with no concern at all.

Is this another one of those "penis complexes" I should know about, or are some guys just seriously scumbags? I'd ask the Compensator, but we all know he'll never commit to an answer because it might alter his precious reputation.

Enlighten me.