In every relationship we face obstacles. Some small. Some ridiculously big, but nevertheless there are thousands of them. Millions of them. But there is an underlying obstacle in nearly every relationship that is absolutely inescapable. It’s a sort of struggle between two people that neither party is usually ever willing to admit, nor are they usually willing to acknowledge. It’s the struggle that keeps us from speaking our minds, heating up our cold shoulders and letting our feelings flow freely. It’s a little ditty I like to call “The Game.”
The game is a risky business and it literally has no rules or regulations (kind of how the ref’s work in the NBA playoffs). Every person plays it differently… some succeed, some fail miserably. The game is where that phrase “your actions speak louder than your words” originated. The game is ALL about being obscure and NOTHING about communicating effectively. It’s an angel and it’s a demon. It allows a person to test the other without actually talking to them about it. And in other cases, it allows a person to explore the other person’s feelings without having to put themselves emotionally out there.
Let me try to simplify this through a scenario.
Rhonda and Jamal have been dating for a year when they explosively break up in the heat of the moment. (Jamal was a prick and Linda, of course, was a shrew) From that point on, Rhonda decides she is not going to communicate with Jamal at all whatsoever… That is… openly. In opposition, Jamal decides to do the same. However, the more they don’t talk, the more the game progresses. Rhonda hears Jamal is going to Devaney’s for a few drinks, so she “accidentally” shows up, but with another guy… of course in hopes to make him jealous (a thing she will NEVER admit). On the flip side, Jamal pretends he isn’t fazed by any of it.
As you can see, there is a clear game being played. Rhonda is trying to get at Jamal and Jamal is trying to get at Rhonda… without actually talking to each other… This is one of the most obvious examples of “the game.”
But so often the game is far more obscure than this… you can be playing the game and not even noticing you’re doing it.
For instance, by not talking to someone you think you’re not participating, but in reality, you’re actually elongating the drama. In other cases, maybe you’re denying something is wrong with you when you’re really angry as all hell. Maybe you’re asking his friends what he thinks of you before you tell him how you feel, maybe he’s calling his ex-girlfriend in front of you to get a reaction. It’s ALL the game. There’s a MILLION TRILLION ways to play it and whether you want to or not you’re going to be plunged on to that field and into the heaping mass of defensive linebackers there to pummel you over.
All my examples have showcased very immature cases, but that doesn’t mean every scenario has to appear juvenile. There are many instances we think we are handling a situation perfectly but are still playing the game. Sometimes the game is good. Sometimes it’s bad. Either way, you will play it eventually. As soon as one party starts it up, you will, in fact, be forced to play as well. There’s no way around it. Even if you think you are avoiding the game, by just avoiding the game you’re still strategizing.
In regards to how to end the game, I view it much like a game of battleship. It’s all hit and miss. The only way you can beat the game is by learning from each experience and catching on to how the other person plays. By learning how that other person functions, you have an opportunity to form a sort of synergy that allows you to communicate in a way that they understand and appreciate. It’s a thing that can only come in time and in so many cases you may find you hate their game and never want to play it again. In those cases, the only way out is to leave, move on completely and never look back at it the same. In other cases, you will find it leads to better communication, and ultimately a better lifestyle with that person. This is why we see so many old couples fight the way they do. They know how the other person is going to react, they know how far they can push them and most importantly, they know how to solve their problems based on all their dozens previous hits and misses.
The game may be something that underlies our lives, but it’s not something that should take it over. It’s so easy to go overboard with it and that’s when we see the word “crazy” start to pop up before or after the mentioning of our names. I truly believe that the more we learn from the game, the less mistakes we will make in the future, but with every person comes a different game and so the saga continues… as it always does… and always will…
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