Marry me Dwight

Just a few reasons why Dwight Howard is the most adorable face in basketball. Enjoy.




And my personal favorite.

The lie of the century

Right now I'm practically fuming. Perhaps I've been mislead all this time, or perhaps I've just been blind, but it appears to me that I could rant at pretty much anything with the capacity to listen... including the wall... which has heard plenty already.

While we all grow up under the perception that it's healthy to have multiple relationships with both males and females, there comes a point where the term "just friends" between opposite sexes is more of an oxymoron than a reality.

While we may humor ourselves with these friendships it seems to be on rare occasion that these bonds actually stay mounted forever on the basis of friendship. Eventually (and this could be 10 years down the road even) one party will either:

a) Fall for that "friend"
b) Abandon that friend for a significant other
c) Turn gay and become a great friend (similar to the equivalent of a same-sex friend)
d) Find the friendship too troublesome to bear. (this includes drama, their significant others' wishes etc.)

While we watch shows like "Friends" that show both men and women interacting with those sorts of bonds, we also see plot lines twist to bring those friends to a more intimate level. This could be deemed true in real life as well, as hard as it to stomach in some situations.

While there are a percentage of people out there who I am sure have mastered the "just friends" relationship, it seems that a good majority haven't. Perhaps you have a friend who appears perfectly platonic in your eyes, but I assure you that you never know what is milling in the back of their brain (as conceited as that sounds on your end).

When I was little my mother once told me that once you are married you don't really have male friends outside your husband, with the exception of your husband's friends or the husbands of your own female friends. I blew her off, as usual, as being small-minded and absurd. However, as I continue to get older I'm finding less and less of my male friendships to be solely a friendship. While I may be looking for that new boy biffle to offer a new sort of comradery, so often I later find being a friend was last on their to-do list. It happens to me. I'm sure it will happen to you, regardless if you're a boy or girl reading this.

So I suppose my question is this: Why in such a platonic world are people always searching for more in the wrong places? (Or the right in some cases).

Will there always be one party that wants more? Or can we truly have friendships without one party (or both) lusting after the other (both secretly or openly)?

I hope this doesn't appear as though I'm insulting male-female friendships, because I'm not. I do believe it is possible. I have plenty of male friends who are loyal and have never once impacted me the wrong way, but those male friends seem to be few and far between. However, as time goes by those friendships are tested and the one's that survive the attraction bug are surely something to be appreciated...


DISCLAIMER: If you are a boy and my friend, in no way, shape or form does this insinuate that I am talking about you, have feelings for you or are insulting you....yet I am... weird.

Cleveland Cavs meet Simpsons... any relation?

Any relation you suppose?



Anderson Varejao of the Cleveland Cavaliers

and I'm guessing his long lost uncle...



Sideshow Bob.

Whaddaya think? I say call in the Paternity test.

And together they make.....


So tell me what you think...

Justin Guarini of American Idol Season 1

What a great time to be an Orlandonian!

As most of you know, or should know, our very own Orlando Magic have made it into the playoffs this year. Although some may criticize all the "bandwagon" fans that seem to be popping up left and I right I say THE MORE THE MERRIER! Tonight the Magic will play the Cleveland Cavaliers with their beloved Mr. Lebron James (who's mortality I certainly question) in game 4 of the series. So far these games have left fans on the edge of their seats as it's near impossible to predict who's going to come out of this on the throne of the Eastern Championship. But I'm putting my money (.35 cents to be exact) on the Magic. Such a win I think would not only boost the spirits of the sinking tourism realities of this town, but I think it will give a much-needed boost to our economy and surely put Orlando back on the map.

So the question is:

Do YOU believe in Magic?



Bring home the bacon boys!

As for me, I'll be out watching the game at one of our locals bars.... tweeting for sure. If you don't already follow me on twitter, you can click the link to the right. My username is JessicaJSaggio.

The Waitress Rant

In this day and age “real” jobs are hard to come by, so in the meantime I have settled for taking up a new occupation I like to call food product service engineering. Also known as being a server at Cracker Barrel. Hey, it pays the bills and calls for some great interactions with the lovely, kind, good-tipping folk of the South…. And also allows for severe sarcasm when describing my job as it does none of which was aforementioned.

However, as many of my co-workers may see me as potentially being the “quiet, friendly one,” little do they know I have really been observing many of them and their “interesting” forms of interaction. I find waitressing to be almost a sociological experience in that you see such an interesting sector of society. Not only do you interact with hard-working, blue-collar natives (I say natives because Titusvillians are a breed of their own), but you interact with such a wide variety of guests who come into the restaurant.

Not to mention you bring home the most baffeling stories... like one of the older waitresses who just decided to interject into Kristen and my conversation yesterday that was currently and I quote, "constipated."

I feel like I’m watching a movie half the time. Fights over silverware. Managers squawking over the loud speaker about pushing sales or rambling about our “absolutes” (which are a set of “rules” per se that are supposed to lead to efficiency but don’t lead to anything much more than a pain in my ass.) Little old ladies tantruming over their cold French toast. Children running around like banchees. I’m just waiting for Heath Ledger to return from the dead as the Joker and just blow the whole place up for the grand finale.

It’s a mad house, but hey it pays.

But while I may be trying to take in my surroundings there is one thing I just cannot understand and that is WHY DO PEOPLE TIP A CONSISTENT 10 PERCENT?
While 10 percent may have been the going rate in the 50’s, even restaurant experts suggest the standard should be at least 18 percent (so says Dr. Christopher Muller of the UCF School of Hospitality Management). Surely that expectation has been expressed, so why do people find it satisfying to leave $2 on a $25 ticket? That's a mere 8 percent.

Perhaps I stand alone on this issue, but I would be horribly embarrassed to leave such an insulting tip for the amount of service you receive when dining out. Sure… some waitresses should probably not be in the service industry. Indeed some should probably be stocking shelves at Wal-mart and disengaged from any human interaction, but the majority of waiters and waitresses I have encountered have worked diligently and respectably for their guests only to receive a less than par compensation. Yeah, we mess up sometimes… but really? 64 cents in change? I know you’re 80 years old and probably can’t count anymore but COME ONNNNNNNNNNNN.

The fact of the matter is that in the end what you tip reflects upon your personal character… however stupid that sounds. While you may see it as a pain to tip, you should factor in the cost of tipping before you go out to eat. If you have horrible service… by all means… leave nothing or talk to a manager (heck you'll probably eat for free that way), but do realize that as nutty as these workers are they deserve more than your chump change you only leave to round your bill up to an even number on your credit card.

Take that America. Tip your waitress.

The Dating Game

As I get older, I seem to be getting less patience for stupidity. I have gone on my fair share of dates through college and if there is anything I have become an expert on, it's dating trends I DESPISE. So fellas of all ages... I urge you to read my 10 commandments of dating and realize that while you may be in a world that lacks a certain level of chivalry, it is, in fact, not quite dead yet.

So I give to you....


****The 10 Commandments of Dating****

(as collected and documented not only from my experiences, but from the experiences I have discussed with my friends, sisters and other women who just can't stand idiocracy.)

My gift to all you men who can't seem to get it right. I'm sure you'll thank me one fine, fine day...


Commandment #1- Thou Shalt Open Doors
Yes. ALL doors. Car doors. Store entrance doors. Restaurant entrance doors. Airplane doors. Cabin Doors. Doors that lead to the yellow brick road. Gameshow doors. Fischer Price Playhouse doors. Whatever door needs to be opened in a dating situation, you open it. This task costs you NOTHING and will surely impress your lady... that is if she isn't a raging feminist.. in that case. RUN.

Commandment #2- Thou Shalt not expect any on the first date.
While you may *want* something after the first date, just go ahead and assume you're not going to get it. If you are really interested in a girl, trying to to pressure her into a sexual encounter is a complete douche move. While some may aruge "well she didn't say no," if you REALLY are interested in a girl, you'll know better than to do that so soon... it only leads to chaos. From a girls perspective, there is nothing worse than having to wiggle your way out of an uncomfortable situation. It sucks. Just plain sucks... and you go home and immediately take a shower hoping to disinfect yourself from the douche paraphernalia now entrenched all over anything that may have come in contact with the skeezy perpetrator. PLUS it adds brownie points if a girl can at least see that you want more than that. IF you're not interested in anything more, try Craig's List.. I hear you can hire special "services" for those needs these days. Pathetic.

Commandment #3- Thou Shalt Pay
Ok.. so I'm all about equality blah blah blah... but if you want to impress a girl... pay. It's just a kind gesture and it shows you aren't cheap.. Nothing is worse than dating a guy who is cheap. This may sound a tad Gold Digger-ish... but I'm just telling you what we're all really thinking. Granted you don't have to pay every time, especially if you're in a relationship, but it's still considerate.

Commandment #4- Initiate Conversation and ACT INTERESTED
OK... Toby Keith once wrote an epic song titled, "I Wanna Talk About Me." Well... the truth of the matter is most people like to talk about themselves. So we do... and consequently drive everyone around us insane. The key to a successful date is being able to hold a conversation that takes turns. When she is saying something ACT INTERESTED. Ask questions! Make comments! (not rude ones). And when you get a chance, interject your own thoughts, your own stories, your own personality. If you can connect with someone on this level you will take the cake. Mmmh Cake.

Commandment #5- Thou Shalt Not Diss Your Girl in Front of Others
Don't diss your girl in front of your friends... even in jest.. UNLESS it's something she's comfortable with. If you know she's a bad cook and she kids about it all the time, then go for the four star chef joke... but if you haven't given her confidence in how you feel about her, these kinds of jokes can be a deal breaker, no matter how stupid this sounds. Someone once said 90 percent of what we joke about is how we really feel... I don't know how valid this is... but I have to assume there's at least an ounce of truth to it.

Commandment #6- Introduce Introduce Introduce thoust woman to thy friends
This goes for both parties. If you run into someone you know.. INTRODUCE them to whoever your with... This is just common courtesy and it relieves the heaping ton of AWKWARD that arises when you don't.

Commandment #7- Thou Shalt Not Get Crunk
Getting drunk is fun. Getting drunk while on a date and making a complete fool out of yourself is not. It's ok to have drinks.. duh... just don't get stupid. She'll see PLENTY of those hilarious drunken reenactments once you get past the initial dating process and THEN it will be entertaining. maybe. For now... turn off your inner Amy Whinehouse.

Commandment #8- Thou Shalt Be Positive
This includes, but is not limited to: Giving complements (but not too many, that's just creepy). Not getting mad at waiters/waitresses/managers/busboys/cashiers/hostesses/ movie clerks/ random hooligans/ popcorn boys/ icecream truck drivers/ skate guards/ referees/ any person, place or thing that may have some sort of capacity to piss you off. Keep your cool. If everything on your date goes wrong... laugh it off. If she can't do that too, she's not worth your time.

Commandment #9- Chew with Thy Mouth Closed
Duh. Even a 10-year-old knows to do this... yet you would be SHOCKED at the amount of grown men who seemed to have forgotten it's importance. Oh and put your napkin on your lap idiots. What were you raised in an African Tribe? Not offense to African Tribes (I'm assuming they don't have fine dining in that sector of the world).

Commandment #10- Thou Shalt Learn the game.
I hate to say it... but women play games. We fret over stupid stuff and con you into saying things we want to hear. It's just a fact of life. Yeah, it sucks... but like Battleship it only takes a few misses before you start strategizing.Be Real. But not too real. NEVER, under any circumstance fall prey to: Calling your girl fat, ugly, hairy or anything less than beautiful... UNLESS she has something on her face, a booger hanging out or an outfit that may embarrass you in public. In those cases, find a charming (yet witty) way of getting your message across.. That or just say it and run as far away as possible in the opposite direction.

And a side note:

Just like Oprah and Dr. Phil and all those other relationship advice givers suggest: HAVE CONFIDENCE. (Not cockiness. Confidence). There is nothing, and I repeat NOTHING worse that going out with a whiney, needy guy who needs constant attention and confidence boosts... same for women. Know who you are before you try and find someone else. Like who you are. Love who you are... and don't compromise yourself unless you know something you're doing is wrong. Women love a man who has inner strength.

There you have it. Now go get em' tiger.

PS: I am not liable for any of this advice. If any of this, by chanc,e backfires it's probably because you are an idiot and did something wrong or you're dating a freakshow. Tata.

DISCLOSURE: The aforementioned insults do NOT apply to all guys... only to those who lack a brain.

Plain White T's...back with another addictive song

So I gotta give it to the Plain White T's (as much as I want to just punch myself in the face everytime I hear that stupid Hey There Delilah song), this music video is so creative and it really plucks at your heart strings. Check it out.... and I swear no more videos for at least a week.

America... you are insane

So as many of you know the AMAZING Adam Lambert lost in the season finale of American Idol, but I would like to take this moment to predict that Mr. Lambert will be iconic in our generation. Now Kris Allen is quite talented, but I'm not sure any contestant quite lived up the creativity and vocals Adam brought to the show. Normally, I am not an adament American Idol viewer, but this season I couldn't help but DVR the dumb thing to see what Adam was going to do next. ANYWAYS, Adam and his ridiculous, almost-screeching-like range I feel is going to bring back the kind of rock-n-roll that went out in the 80's... like Whitesnake, Aerosmith, Poison, Guns N' Roses. Granted those are legendary artists and their music is still alive today, but none of our contemporary artists in today's society even hold a candel to their work... except Adam Lambert. So America, hate on Lambert all you want, but I think it's only a matter of time before we see him rise to the top and take on a genre of music that is dying to be rekindled. So play that funky music white boy...



And the one my mother is obsessed with:



And my personal favorite:

Congratulations! Now what?

Graduation is done. The new car is bought. The bills are tight… Now where the heck is my job?

Oh ha ha ha. How could I forget, there are no jobs.

Silly me for thinking that busting my butt for four years to graduate on time would merit finding a job afterwards. Silly me for doing all those internships and taking all those freelance jobs I thought would boost my resume. Oh silly, silly me. Don’t you know all that work really only was for a fancy piece of paper that gives us the right to fish for sustenance at the bottom of the food chain?

But no worries, I’m not bitter; just even MORE driven believe it or not.

Now, I know the economy has been sucked down the garbage disposal of life, but there has GOT to be something out there for a young 20-something eager and ready to work for but a mere stipend of rent money and portion of porridge.

But it seems searching for a job these days is more painful than a sharp razor plucking out the cornea of my eye. In fact, I’m pretty sure doing that would be easier than getting an interview… anywhere…. including Publix, Wal-mart and other low-end, brain-optional jobs.

While this is what everyone keeps deeming as “yet another transition” in my life, I can’t help but think that this transition is epic in comparison to the changes I’ve endured in the past.

Think back.

Preschool to Kindergarten—Yes I left good old Blessed Sacrament Preschool for the booming Challenger 7 Elementary school, but that switch from peanut butter sandwiches and nap time to cafeteria food and “centers” play time really doesn’t hold a flame to this change.

Elementary to Middle—Yes, puberty sucked in every way, shape and form possible, but did it suck more than this? Nope. I’d gladly take back the acne if I knew it would get me a job at CNN or ESPN or something else that ends in N.

Middle to High School—Yes, this transition was rough. I tried out for every sports team only to find that my home was in the drama department… but still, all those “cuts” later, it still didn’t suck more than this. Plus, I finally made it on the tennis team… arguably the worst tennis team in the state, but whatevs.

High school to college—Yes, this was a rough change, leaving mom and dad’s comfy little home for the big, bad college world. But you had two choices when you got out of High school: college or minimum wage job. I chose college. Surprise surprise. Just like I’m sure you did.

Now here I am at the next stage of my life “college to real world” and let me just say it’s no walk in the park. It’s not even a jog in the park… it’s more like a 5k marathon followed by a 16 mile swim and a 12,000 mile bike ride across the Eastern United States to Virginia where they will then douse you in manure and feed you to a pack of hungry wolves. (nice metaphor for the work force eh?)

But not only am I struggling. Oh heck no, it’s nothing personal. Each and every one of my friends (unless they haven’t told me) are in the exact same boat. So not only am I trying to talk myself up out of the mess, I’m counseling all of them too.

“Yes, yes it will be ok.” (lie)

Will it?

I talked to a contact named Ford Phillips my brother-in-law set me up with and he said,

“Give it 2 or 3 months, you’ll see places will start hiring again.”

He said I had done everything I could and it was just a matter of “cold calling.” Otherwise known as calling up and bugging people until they look at you… just like you did when you were four and wanted someone to admire the picture you just colored completely out of the lines.…. Go figure

So here I am… going through company after company writing down in my little notebook places I must solicit with my “fresh moldable attitude and extensive writing and public relations skills” hoping by the grace of God a little birdie might find my resume in the trash and poop it onto the car of a CEO or managing editor pretty much anywhere who will at least take the time to sift through the contact and experience section as he wipes the residue from his bright red Mercedes.

But keep your chin up America… remember isn’t Barack Obama supposed to be bringing on that “change we need?” Well I guess those signs never actually said whether that was good or bad change… but I’m hoping for the best. Come on Barack!

Life after Alpha Tau Omega

So, my nephew preston got the lead in his school play this past weekend. It was called "The Pirates of the I-Don't-Care-ibbean." Well for those who don't know my brother-in-law is a ATO alum, and my sister their old sweetheart (from a long time ago). But thought you all might enjoy life AFTER ATO




Brian made a Cameo in Preston's play... but this isn't too far off from his usual attire.

To tip or not to tip

In recent years there has been a new type of restaurant that has been popping up around the nation. This restaurant isn't fast food, but it's not a full-service dining establishment either. It's this sort of in-between you order your food and maybe they'll bring it to you sort of deal now defined as "fast casual dining." To name a few would be Panera Bread, Moe's, Tijuana Flats, Lazy Moon, Huey Magoo's, Jeremiahs etc. etc. etc.

Well every time I go to one of these places I wonder to myself, "Am I really supposed to tip? For this?" Well it's a question I think many of us face so I did some research... talked to some business owners, talked to some restaurant experts... and in the end I made this little video that explains the protocol of tipping at these "fast casual" places... So if you ever wondered if you're suppose to tip at one of these places watch my video and see what conclusions I came to.

Also, please vote on my poll whether or not you tip at these kinds of places... I'm anxious to see the results.

One more thing

While messing around on the surrealist slogan generator my nephew and I decided to imput the word poop. Maybe you're as immature as us and will find it funny... Mind you he is 11 so he is excused, but my sense of humor is certainly in question.

What we found:
* Sometimes you feel like a poop, sometimes you don't.
* Be young, have fun, drink poop.
* Turn loose the poop
* It's a new poop every day
* Step into the poop
* Hands that do dishes can be as soft as your poop
* All poop, all the time.

Create your own slogan

So for weeks I've been trying to think of a slogan for Jessica Saggio Inc. and I cannot for the life of me really come up with one that sticks.

However, while helping a friend with some sorority bid day madness, I came across a really fun website. It's an advertising slogan generator called the surrealist.co.uk. Just click the link and it will take you there. Basically you just put in a word and it generates a slogan for you. How fun! Give a whirl...

Here's some of things it came up with for me:

* A Jessica a day helps you work, rest and play
* Life should taste as good as Jessica Saggio Inc.
* Jessica Saggio Inc. It's what's for dinner
* Better ingredients. Better Jessica Saggio Inc.
* Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Jessica Saggio Inc.
* 8 out of 10 owners said their cats prefer Jessica Saggio Inc.
* There ain't no party like a Jessica Saggio Inc. party.


Go ahead... put your name in. HAVE FUN!!!

A new hobby? Bellydance? Really?

So I've always been one to advocate against boredom. I just don't understand how one can be bored in a city so full of opportunities?!? Well in my latest adventure with a good friend I found the Orlando Bellydance School of Middle Eastern Dance. Well I only attended one class and had a blast, but it wasn't really for me... My hips just can't seem to move that way. However, I did decide to do a story on the place because I found it so fascinating. It seems to be such a great place for women who are looking for a good weight loss program or just a good time. I can surely attest that I was sweating like a pig by the end of the class. Take a look at my video and let me know what you think. Who knows... maybe you'll find yourself a new hobby.





Sorry about the quality... apparently uploading stuff to Youtube takes some of that away.