Step 1: Insert foot into mouth

So after many many dates in my day, I have come across several conversations that have made me think twice about the existence of aliens... because I know for a FACT, I've had to have met a few...

So in honor of America's most conversationally challenged men and women I offer to you the Top Ten Things NOT to Say when on a date:

10. Anything on or related to Pokemon... or that "Magic" game..

9. Any personal medical procedures you've had done in the past year. This can range from root canals to hip replacements. Save it for like date four... unless you're dying and only have three days to live. Then good God, get her in the sack.... kidding.

8. Your over enthiastic attitude towards religion OR your cynical underenthusiastic attitude towards religion. It's ok.. you can talk phillipians later..

7. Anything negative towards the waitress.... or movie clerk... or anyone you interact with in the presence of your date. Duh. Sadly, this can indicate your own personality flaws. Nobody likes a judy attitudey.

6. Anything that requires you to actually physically act out your own monologue while you portray multiple characters. Yes, I can attest that I have actually witnessed this sort of behavior. Yes, it appeared he had multiple personality disorder.Scary.

5. Pretty much anything related to sex or what you "would like to do to her." *barf* Don't talk explicitely until you at least know her last name, k?

4. Martial arts of any sort... I don't know about my fellow woman-kind but sometimes when a guy tells me he does martial arts I picture it in my head and it makes me die laughing on the inside. COME ON martial arts are funny... huwaaahhhhhhhhhh.

3. Yourself. The entire time. Dear God, it's OK to talk about something other than you. Listen to Toby Keith! Ask some questions!

2. Anything that could be negative about yourself: your lack of car, your increasing number of cavaties, the fact your mother still brushes your hair every morning.. the list could go on and on... Stick with good things like: how great of a job you have, how enthusiastic you are about your degree program, how cute and cuddly your puppy can be...

1. Your ex. Nobody and I repeat NOBODY wants to hear about your ex on a first date.... I don't want to know who you dated, why you broke up, how much they broke your heart... SAVE IT FOR OPRAH because I don't care...


Ok that's my two cents... feel free to comment with more suggestions because Lord knows the list could go on and on for decades to come...