Happy 23 to MEEEE!

As I sit here sifting through the dozens of obligatory "Happy Birthday" comments on my Facebook, I can't help but be thankful. I know that sounds weird, but I am actually thankful people took 20 seconds out of their day to write on my Facebook. It's funny how the little tiny things can actually accumulate to mean so much more. I mean, there are dozens of people who took time for ME today. How cool. However, kudos to those who expanded beyond the two word "happy birthday" post... I love you guys even MORE.

Anyways, this time last year my life was a WRECK. I mean, absolute WRECK. Things were changing so fast in my life and I simply couldn't keep up. I was sick. I was heartbroken. And I was rather less enthused about turning 22 than any other year prior.

So in honor of last year's utter destruction and the many tears I shed in the process, I'd like to list the 23 things that make me laugh for my 23rd birthday.

So heres my 23 THINGS THAT MAKE ME LAUGH ON MY 23RD!

1) My roommate Drew singing me happy birthday through my door at 7 am this morning... and not the nice version.. the one that calls me a monkey?
2) This photo of my parents. It really sheds light on how I became the person I am today: bold...and weird.

3) Staff ball--that is, dismantling TKE traditions while exercising!


4) Mitch Hedberg. RIP brother.
5) Memories of my best friend Kristen (Just Peachy) singing me happy birthday two years ago with a cinnamon bun from Burger King.
6) The aftermath of said birthday serenade

7) That Clay Aiken song "Invisible"
8) Little Debbie Valentine's Heart Cakes... ok they don't make me laugh, but they certainly make me happy.
9) The video on Facebook of another one of my faveys Danyelle (his girl friday) smashing a jellyfish at the beach Spring break 2007.
10) Pretty much all the memories from SB 2007.-- for those who were AT SB 2007, you know it was more of a war than a vacation. However, the Union united and defeated the confederates!
11) This photo from SB 2007. Fojo and his Emeril impression... oh... and the fact he is wearing JORTS!

12) This REAL sign my friends and I came across... Americans=very intelligent.

13) Martial Arts...sorry but it's funny.
14) People with mullets
15) People who walk around with their butt cracks hanging out. Sounds juvenile, but it's still funny to witness... and kind of disturbing. Exhibit A taken on my phone:

16) Texts From Last Night
17) Bike cops "AHHHHH Bike COPZ!"
18) Bom Qui Qui
19) Really bad commercials...like Family Auto Mart and Appliance Direct
20) Memories of Fugue Road (SB 2009)... we laugh about it now...
21) The fact that my brother-in-law hums the Price is Right theme song whenever him and my sister make a big purchase at the store. (no joke)
22) Friends... best tv show to ever exist. I laugh outloud each and every episode.
23) My Jack Hannah coloring book... here's an excerpt for your viewing pleasure:


Oh and here's one more for good luck:

24) the fact that I have to delete all these pictures off my work computer before the end of the day! bahahahahaha

Snoop Vloggy Vlog! BAM!

So I've ventured into the world of Vlogging. Yes, I am awkward. Yes, I am a dork for doing this. Yes, I still believe vlogging is cool.

Big Gay Lie?

Ya know... I know the National Enquirer is a piece of sensationalist garbage... but today's headlines were even more ridiculous than usual. Drew and I were at Publix and we literally laughed so loud we turned heads and had to explain ourselves.



What exactly IS a big gay lie? bahahahahaha. Is it a lie that bangs other lies?

...Kudos Enquirer. You got my attention today.

I'm a baller, shot caller...

OK... I just wanted to take a second and glorify the fact that Cracker Barrel did indeed give me a diploma for passing my Par III test (which means I get three stars on my apron. HOLD THE PHONE FOLKS!) So I thought well hey... it's a diploma.. and it's about as useful as a real one in this shitty economy.. so I decided to display it in the Shrine of Jessica and Drew. Personally I like it's contrast with the Stetson Degree, the UCF degree and the trophies... it's like art.

It's the little things

Being a grown up can be rough these days, but I'm finding that it's the little things that bring me the oddest sense of joy everyday. I may be on the brink of 23, but there is still a 12-year-old I LOVE SPARKLES side of me that I don't think I'm ever going to grow out of anytime soon. So I wanted to share with you all a few of my favorite items that make me happy every time I look at them. Something about adding personality to the mundane things in life just gives me such a weird sense of pride.

So from me to you here are my favorite customized little ditties.







My brand-new bling mouse to go with my Mac at work. Yes it's gawdy, but that just makes me love it more.












My Keys. Now, ordinarily keys are super lame... but I happen to think my keys are pimpin. For one, I have a customized damask house key (Thank you Lowes!). Next I have the Kappa represent keychain (my fleur de lis and Key with a heart) and lastly, is my favorite... the Lilly Pulizter cutsey dress key chain given to me for Christmas from one of my favorite fellow bloggers Preppy Panache

Finally, the last little somethin somethin makes my heart smile because it's as personalized as personalized can get, and it certainly turns gives my crappy ENV2 a much-needed face lift.

So if you happen to recognize what this is, it is actually my own design! There is a really cool website called Unique Skins that let's you customize a phone skin however you please. It definitely tops the Jessica Saggio, Inc. must-have charts.















So explore, dream, discover do that voodoo that you do whatever, but remember customization and the little things can bring sunshine to an ordinarily gray day.

Happy Thursday errebody!

Welcome to Parenthood

Ok, so a friend of mine posted this on Facebook as the reasoning behind why she is not having children. I have got to say.. she makes a very valid point. I hear ya Tamara!

Keep the camping in the woods people

I wanted to take a moment today to maybe try and explain why my day was absolutely jam-packed with frustration.

To begin, I would like to assert that contrary to popular belief, Cracker Barrel is not a campground... or any restaurant for that matter. No, Cracker Barrel is a dining establishment, designed to deliver you moderately-priced southern food with a "country fresh" smile. So please, if you plan on pitching your tent and camping at my table for more than 1.5 hours please consider leaving just compensation.

Today I had a four-table section, which is nothing to complain about during a busy morning and early-afternoon rush. However, today, three of my four tables were campers. That is.. they sat at their respective tables for more than 1.5 hours as mentioned before. One table consisted of two long-lost friends who decided to reconnect over two Old Timers breakfasts (with sourdough whole wheat toast) and another camping post consisted of two women who came in to chit-chat over a mere 1 cup of hot chocolate each (their bill was $4 btw..) Oh but my FAVORITE table, was a group of three men and one woman who decided to have a three-hour business meeting. Yes. They came in at 9:38 am and did not leave until 12:36 pm. Yes, I counted. Why? Because they didn't even originate as my table... so I didn't even benefit from them sitting in my section.

So thank you employees of "Solar Green" for costing me approximately $20 as you sat and discussed sales tactics at my table for THREE HOURS. Ya know what... guess who won't be buying your lightbulbs... if you guessed ME, you are correct. I understand the corporate world... I do... but real professionals rent out rooms and caterers for business meetings... they don't go to the local Cracker Barrel and essentially steal office space from a struggling waitress. Shame on you.

Please take note dear readers. Yes restaurants are perfect for social gatherings, but do realize that every extra minute you sit at that table your server loses much-needed money. So when you tip, consider compensating them not only for their service but for the time you spent at their table.

Thank you and goodnight. The end.